[I’ll be back to posting minority reports soon, but for now, YOU’RE WELCOME.]

Someone please tell me why this is not my real life:

1. Colleen McMahon fights crime in the city of Colombo, Sri Lanka.
2. Her secret weapon, a bamboo staff called a silambam, deals stunning blows to dangerous criminals.
3. She wears a costume modeled after an ancient clan of ninja warriors that worshiped the peacock.
4. Bright blue, yellow, and purple feathers adorn her mask, which conceals her identity from the public and the police.
5. To conceal her identity, she plays traditional folk music by day in small cafés in the city.
6. By night, Colleen roams the streets as Wayura the Masked Vigilante!
7. “Wayura” means “peacock” in the Sinhalese language.
8. Because of Colleen’s fierce reputation as a warrior, criminals fear the wrath of Wayura the Masked Vigilante.
9. Her guitar-playing abilities also intimidate other musicians who try to make their living on the café scene.
10. Wayura inspired a series of graphic novels that are very popular in parts of Southeast Asia.

This came about because a friend of mine from grad school was looking for ways to make his grammar worksheets more exciting. He invited all his facebook friends to post their dream jobs, so that he could work them into a class.

Naturally, mine was folk-singing archaeologist who fights crime.  It’s been tweaked slightly, but you guys, THAT COULD TOTALLY BE ME.

[also ps. where can I get a silambam?]